I’m going to discuss this subject around relationships and the effect of the internet on relationships.
There is still a little bit of stigma around internet dating sites, but it is a booming industry. Ireland is the 14th highest user.
I read this article today in the New York Times.
It reads very like moral panic. I was quite surprised at the New York Times.
Lines such as ‘the Tinder Effect could throw the future of marriage at all income levels into chaos’.
And ‘It’s hard to imagine how such habits will be broken’. How about that then? A tad extreme, I think, unless, I am getting old. Maybe in Ireland, we talk less about Tinder and similar apps. I don’t know. I asked my 18 year old daughter and she said , ‘Tinder is, last year’.
This line ‘some people actually like the other person. Sometimes you actually catch feelings, and that’s what sucks”, it’s sad.
Anyway, the article references the Vanity Fair article at http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2015/08/tinder-hook-up-culture-end-of-dating and this article is much better.
The article seems mainly based on wall street bankers and Ivy League College goers in New York. Ya know, bankers.
More seriously, the Vanity Fair article does bring up a good discussion topic about how we relate and how the internet of things is another big massive shift since the age of agriculture as regards how we contract these relationships.
This instant gratification versus delayed gratification does affect dating culture. Esther Perel the famous sex therapist says;
“Arousal is not desire. In apps like Tinder you don’t even have the time to
cultivate the desire. The gratification is right there”.
How true. Where is the courtship, the romance, where’s the Love Y’all?
This ‘next mentality’, seems more unfair to women. According to David Buss, a professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin who specializes in the evolution of human sexuality, there is a situation where the psychology of men are thinking there is an increased supply of women; ‘When there is a surplus of women, or a perceived surplus of women, the whole mating system tends to shift towards short-term dating. Marriages become unstable. Divorces increase. Men don’t have to commit, so they pursue a short-term mating strategy. Men are making that shift, and women are forced to go along with it in order to mate at all.”
However, from the article, men are also, it seems (while maybe short term gratified) in some anxiety.
Not a good place really all round. Circles, circles.
It is probably a steep learning curve for all. As young adults get older things will change. Circumstances change, mindsets change. We learn lessons and hopefully reflect and mature from them.
Here is a good read on the Tinder affair 🙂
To finish, we live in the age of the internet of things and we have misrepresentation of sexual intimacy through the media and porn industry, both male and female. We have media-based values and principles. It’s got complicated and it seems some are gorging on it, maybe more so in America.
Better we decide our own values. Look at our selves and how we feel. Become more self aware. Then, have the confidence to live those values.